Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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