Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Farmville is her only friend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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