I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
