I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
