Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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