There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
