Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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