i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
