You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
