Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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