I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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