Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
