these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
