Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
