The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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