apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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