who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
