i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize