So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
