She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
