The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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