With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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