so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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