the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
