Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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