We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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