you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize