how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
