physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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