It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
