4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
