Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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