I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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