i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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