we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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