the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
