Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
