I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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