Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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