Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
