I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
