i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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