i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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