I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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