when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
