IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
