We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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