He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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