hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
