If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
