I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
