So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
