Little spoons don't ask big questions
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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