i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
