Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
