My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
