So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
