Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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