i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize