i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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