I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
