and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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