Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
