make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
