Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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