i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
