are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
