my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
