Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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