that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize