She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
