I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
