I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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