Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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