Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
