I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
