i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
