M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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