are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
