we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
