Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
