6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Randomize
