i was born a porn star she said
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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