I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
