i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
