i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
