Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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