Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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