if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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