Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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