I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
