Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
