he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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