By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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