how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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