I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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