I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
