I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
