Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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