bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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