I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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