I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
