He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
