he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
