So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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