Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
