I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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