i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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