if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
