ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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